Klimt Simplified

Going through lists of agents, researching them, falling down a rabbit hole and finding an article about why it is not worth the time to connect with agents before publication of a first children’s book. All good background; I’m not wasting my time, I repeat calmly and supportively to myself. I am not quite ready anyway because I am tweaking the book’s text and preparing to upload images for editing as a few pages need work. 

I am also busy with staring at a painting I have fallen in love with, a painting partially done, at that point where I either hate it or love it. If I love it, adore it as I do this one, then I need to stare at it endlessly until two events occur: (1) I decide what needs to be added, and (2) I summon up the courage to do that. I am on teetering on the edge of phase two at the moment.

If I hate a partially done painting, the work is easier. Hate means that I can’t ruin the thing and I am free to go wild. Hate has often turned into love, but the freedom of hate does not mean that I will forego staring for weeks or months prior to applying more paint. 

Staring is a big part of my process. Staring, self doubt, being amazed at young people who go right into art and receive proper educations instead of mustering up the guts to return, dabbling bit by bit, for years, before showing anything to anyone.

Doodling is different. Watercolor also different. Those do not paralyze me the same way with reluctance to use materials or to destroy an image already beautiful. Such a good reason to return to my art journaling/collage notebook work. That not-ready-for-prime-time dabbling produced wonderful ideas and images and because they were only in a notebook, not meant to show or sell. That lovely freedom allowed me to spread my wings in private and I have to return to that.

Back to the breadcrumbs on the forest path to publication. Like a protagonist in a fairy tale, as I start out my way is uncertain, obstacles will meet me, the journey might take a long time, and a light-filled clearing will someday emerge around a bend. At least I have to believe that.